Indulgence
by Audio Pineapple
Summary: Sometimes you have to hurt someone to stop them from hurting themselves far worse. [Pre island.]
1. A cold detachment

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters. I am not affiliated in any way, shape or form with anyone who does.

It was heart-breaking seeing him lying there. It stripped away all of Charlie's old beliefs. The beliefs he had clung desperately to as a child; Liam was wonderful, Liam was indestructible, Liam was going to get him away from Manchester and out into the big wide world.

But now Liam was lying in a hospital bed, dark circles under his eyes and a sedated smile plastered onto his face, he opened his eyes as Charlie approached and chuckled, "you come to visit me baby brother?"

"Yeah, I come to visit you."

Liam groaned lightly and he moved in the bed, "good, you can get me out of here."

"You need to be in…"

"I need to be out there!" He lowered his voice, looking around shiftily, "I need to get a fix Charlie."

The use of his own name stung Charlie. Behind the desperation in Liam's voice there was a cold detachment that Charlie recognised as the failings of their relationship. The pain caused his voice to rise, gaining a higher pitch in anger, one that he was getting used to hearing.

"Don't you realise that is why you're in here? You've got to stop using Liam!"

Liam scoffed, "it isn't my fault," he gained eye contact with Charlie, who instantly became frozen to the spot, "it's yours. You took away all my heroin."

"That doesn't mean that you go out and overdose on cocaine." Charlie wanted to scream, wanted to tell Liam that he hadn't caused this. But he couldn't say that because, he was blaming himself. He had always blamed himself, always believed that he should have seen what was happening sooner and then he may have stood a chance in stopping it. "I'm going out for a walk."

He turned and left the room, hearing Liam call after him, "get them to let me out of here."

Charlie felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes and roughly wiped them away with his hand. He continued walking, and found himself in a reception area. He tried to get a chocolate bar from a snack machine when his gaze settled onto a man and a woman. He felt drawn to them, and settled himself in a seat nearest them, trying to look as though he wasn't watching.

He stole a quick glance towards the man again, his silver hair was thinning at the front and he was dressed in a white lab coat with embroidery on the chest. Charlie read it _Christian Shepard _and went back to staring at the wall, listening to the conversation.

"I'm sorry; there was nothing that we could do. George passed away soon after being admitted. The levels of cocaine were too high for his body to handle."

The woman began to sob, the tears trickling down to her cheeks, and she made no effort to remove them, "but I don't understand… he is only seventeen... I didn't even know he was…"

"Many parents aren't aware when their children develop drug dependencies. You shouldn't blame yourself too much."

Charlie's mind picked up the end of the sentence and he stood up. He manoeuvred past the people around him and walked back to Liam's room. On the trek back he had been imaging a doctor talking to him, telling him that Liam hadn't survived, that he shouldn't blame himself too much.

He entered the room and marched over to the bed, scooping his arms around Liam's shoulders in a hug. He felt Liam tugging away and he released, stepping back from the bed.

"Are you going to get me out of here then?"

Charlie shook his head, "not yet. Soon though."

Taking away Liam's heroin had been his grand plan, the way he was going to banish Liam and bring back the brother he missed every day. But he knew that he could not risk it, knew that Liam knew how to handle heroin, knew the amounts he needed to take and how to take it so that he wouldn't end up dead.

Charlie sighed lightly to himself; he hated what Liam had become, but he needed to believe that his brother was still alive in there somewhere. And the new Liam was preferable to not having one at all.

"But I'm going to give you your heroin back."


	2. Chapter 2

Charlie looked at Liam and wondered if this was his lowest point. Lying in hospital, eyes lit up from the promise of being allowed access to drugs. Charlie was already regretting telling Liam that he would give him the heroin back but he had to keep reminding himself, it was for the greater good.

He had lost count of how many lows that he had gone through, from life before the band, to realising that Liam was an addict, to becoming one himself and he had never understood how Liam was so calm through everything. Charlie envied him sometimes, if he didn't want to quit then all the stumbles meant nothing.

Charlie was different, he wanted to quit. He wanted to be able to go a day without getting withdrawal symptoms but he couldn't. He was too scared to try without Liam alongside him. Sometimes he wondered if that was pathetic but he had always been the younger brother, and Liam was the one who guided him through life. Liam had been Charlie's support system and had always been there. If he failed with Liam it was alright, but if he failed by himself… Charlie knew he wouldn't be able to cope.

"It's about time. Don't know why you took it in the first place. You're a bloody junkie as well you know."

There was venom in Liam's voice and Charlie fought the urge to recoil. Was that really what his own brother thought of him now; not as family, but as another addict? The words cut deep inside but he tried not to let the emotion show on his face, he had to pretend to be strong to try and give Liam strength.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

Liam scoffed, "I wanna get back out onto the road. What use is being in a damn hospital – even the nurses are ugly!"

"You'll be let out soon."

"Not soon enough," he groaned, turning over, "I need a fix Charlie."

"I know. But the heroin's back on the bus."

"Mr Pace?"

"What the bloody hell do you want?"

Charlie turned around to see a young doctor standing in the doorway, looking perturbed at Liam's reaction. He shot a glance at Charlie.

"I'm Charlie, his brother."

"Oh. I'm Doctor Frank Metta; your brother is my patient."

Charlie felt his stomach clench, what if Doctor Metta had heard him telling Liam about the drugs being on the bus? He suddenly felt helpless, what if they took Liam away from him?

"Can I speak to you outside Mr Pace?"

"Oh, I'm actually allowed out of bed now am I?"

"Not you Liam, I meant your brother."

Charlie nodded and joined Doctor Metta on the other side of the door. He leaned against the wall, watching as Metta surveyed the files he was holding.

"Liam had a very serious overdose…"

"I know."

"I shouldn't have to tell you that he has been very lucky. If you hadn't brought him in so quickly then he wouldn't have stood a chance at survival."

The praise brought Charlie little comfort, he was still blaming himself for Liam taking the cocaine in the first place, but he didn't want the Doctors to know why so he just nodded pleasantly, forcing a smile.

"Did you know that your brother was taking drugs?"

"No, I had no idea. He'd been acting strange recently, getting more distant, agitated but I didn't put two and two together."

"Understandable. You shouldn't blame yourself if you didn't know. I would recommend that you work on convincing him to join a rehabilitation program to help him deal with his addiction. He'll be eligible for discharge in an hour." Metta shone a reassuring smile, "I know that the situation seems bleak but people do make it through to the other side. You just need to have some faith."

Faith. The advice seemed idiotic. Charlie had abandoned his faith to continue with the band, believing that it would lead to the better life. He wished that he had never listened to Liam when he told him that they had got a record deal. Wished that he had kept his promise to quit the band. Then there may have been a chance to save him, to save both of them. But Charlie was finding it harder and harder to believe in salvation. The more he thought about Liam's situation, the more his brother seemed damned.

"Mr. Pace?" Charlie was drawn out of his thoughts by Doctor Metta looking at him, worried. "Are you okay?"

He nodded; "I'm fine, thank you for looking after my brother. I'll try to take better care of him from now on."

Doctor Metta smiled again before walking away, leaving Charlie to work out how exactly he was going to take better care of him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **This is the final chapter in the story and I'd like to thank those who reviewed. I hope you enjoyed it.

Charlie helped Liam to step into the front passenger seat of the car, despite his brothers protested claims that he should be the one who drove as he was the eldest. "You're not capable of driving yet," Charlie addressed him directly as he climbed into the driving seat. The hotel was half an hour from the hospital but once he got there he was sure that Liam would relax more. Right now, he was deliberately being annoying.

"Do I have a show tonight?"

"Yes."

"Oh… I like shows."

"I know," Charlie began to manoeuvre the car out of the parking lot as Liam rested his head against the window pane.

"Are we near my drugs then?"

"We should have some at the hotel." Charlie muttered his answer, trying to disguise the anger in his voice as his hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles began to turn white. Liam pointed at them.

"You okay baby brother?"

"I'm fine."

"Maybe you just need a fix."

"I don't need a fix!" He couldn't help shouting as he drove down the road. He tried to stop his emotions boiling over but he couldn't help it. "I need my brother back!"

"What are you talking about? I'm right here."

"No you're not! You're not Liam, you haven't been Liam for months and I need him back."

Liam looked at him, obviously confused for a moment before laughing, "yeah; right."

"You could never understand."

"Hey!" There was anger in Liam's voice now and Charlie instantly knew that he had pushed him too far. "What gives you the bloody right to talk like that to me? I've done everything for you…"

"What? You've sat and watched me while I've slept to make sure you don't vomit and die? You've carried me up three flights of stairs when you're legs stop working?"

"I'm the one who put you in this band!"

"I write the songs…"

"Who gives a shit? Anyone can write songs; anyone can play bass! It isn't anything special Charlie."

"So what? Are you going to tell me that I won't have anything if I don't have the band again? That I'm useless?" He pulled into the hotel's parking lot, noticing that his hands were shaking. That night felt as though it burnt through his skin whenever he remembered it. He had assumed that taking the drugs would have removed all of the pain; it had seemed to do that for Liam, but it hadn't worked. He was happy enough when on the drugs but whenever they wore off he felt repulsed that he was taking them. The only way around the repulsion was to take more, which, of course, just led to having more repulsion. He sighed and noticed that Liam was fumbling with the car door. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to get onto the bus and get my damn drugs."

"Liam…" he paused, not sure what he was going to say, "please don't."

"Why? So I can sit here and listen to you whine like a spoiled brat? No chance."

He managed to open the door and began to stride onto the bus. Charlie instantly followed him. The rest of the bus was empty; Charlie didn't know where the rest of the band members where but he honestly didn't care. He felt like he had failed, Liam was starting to turn the bus inside out, looking for his stash.

"Where did you hide them?"

"Liam."

"You said I could have them! Where the hell did you hide them?"

Charlie moved past him and leant under his bed, fumbling around out of view and returning with Liam's prize. He knew that Liam would have never found his hiding place, pressed in between the old pages of his bible.

**A/N: **Well this series is finished now so I'd like to thank people who took the time to read and review this.


End file.
